The Joys of Motherhood

So I thought of other titles for this post, such as "When Bulemia Ceases to be a Choice" or "Alien in your Belly?" but they seemed a bit negative for a post about the miracle of life. As I'm sure you've heard (if not, I'm shamefully sorry, I'm a terrible friend!) I am five months pregnant. Last week Dustin and I found out it's a girl. It's been an interesting 5 months.

Dustin and I always knew we wanted a family, although I admit the timing came as a bit of a surprise. We were a little shocked, but really, had I been brave enough to make the decision myself, this is actually a pretty good time all things considered (except for the new job...).

My older sister had a very difficult first pregnancy (her second has not been easy either), so I had a creeping suspicion that I might have a hard time too. I had no idea! The first few months felt like one long lunge for the toilet, with little bits of the rest of my life stuck here and there in-between. And I love my job, but I just want you to take a minute and imagine feeling so sick you want to die, then going to work to shovel and scrub and carry heavy things and be on your feet all day, and being stuck in the penguin building on top of it. Have you ever smelled a penguin building with little to no aeration? While horribly NAUSEOUS? And the smell of the penguin poo is nothing compared to the smell of the dead fish you feed out with your bare hands every day (which smell, I might mention, never comes off and causes you to jump out of bed to barf in the middle of the night every time you get a whiff of your hands). And after a day full of barfing and crying when no one's looking at work, I would come home to my poor sweet supportive husband and just plop onto the couch as he desperately made me meal after meal that I couldn't eat. Poor Dustin! In the meantime, all anyone can say is "congratulations!" Thanks to modern medicine, I've been a lot better since I started on the anti-nausea medication, but still, let this be a warning to all you young unmarried girls out there - there is no such thing as birth control!!!

So now that I've made it sound so horrible that I really hope my future daughter never reads this, let me clarify some things for my baby-to-be. Through all of this, everyone kept telling me the whole time that it will be worth it. This was hard to imagine at first when all you were was a little dot on the ultra-sound, but the more you grow and the more I learn and think about you, the more I know everyone is right. You are worth it, and you are wanted. Dustin and I can't wait to meet you, and I apologize in advance for all the silly mistakes I will make as a mother. I'm terrified I won't be good enough for you, but luckily for both of us you have awesome grandparents, aunts, and uncles waiting for you (just warning you - Uncle Alex is crazy!), plus the best man in the world for your dad. So early welcome to you, baby. Although I've been unsure exactly what to do with you, I'm starting to realize I couldn't do without you.